I sat quietly at my desk. I leaned closer to the computer so no one could see the tears that were now pouring down my face. After several months of surviving without a dreaded “day job” I had to swallow my pride and begin working again. The problem wasn’t working in itself that bothered me. The issue was that I was doing something I dreaded. I was working a telemarketing job. The job was six days a week. Six days a week of getting hung up on, cussed out and feeling like I had given up. I felt like God was punishing me. A bit dramatic I know but I knew I had let him down. After I stopped working my customer service job in June, I made a promise to God that if I was able to survive financially I would put all of my energy into my book.
Months went by and instead of writing, I found myself doing everything but. Weekends and sometimes weekdays were dedicated to game nights, going out and doing everything except writing. Most days I dedicated more time to cooking and cleaning my place then I did to even opening my computer. Still I was able to pay my bills and have enough money to spend on myself here and there. God patiently waited for me to get my act together. After several months of having literally 24 hours a day all to myself I had less than 20 pages penned in my book. It wasn’t long before my funds ran out and there I was sitting behind a desk of a dingy call center being called a bitch over the phone by someone who probably had already forgotten my name.
It certainly wasn’t the first time. Apparently some people get very angry at being called on their cellphones before 10am. Despite the morning motivational meetings held at my job I was in no way motivated to keep going. I absolutely dreaded waking up each morning to go there and spent my free time applying for jobs and writing. It wasn’t until the moment that I finally broke down that I made a connection with what was happening in my life. I had taken my time for granted. I was given nothing but time to dedicate towards a gift that God has given me and I neglected it. I did everything but what I was supposed to do until I was forced to do what I had to do to survive.
The next day I went to work and contemplated quitting as I sat in the car. I prayed before I went in and asked God for a sign. I decided to go in and was told by a supervisor that I had been suspended. I was suspended for something they actually overlooked but instead of me arguing it, which I can be pretty good at, I happily went home. I prayed again at home that I wouldn’t have to go back to that job and routinely checked my email.
Inside awaited an email from xonecole.com Necole formerly of Necolebitchie.com had responded to an application I sent her. My friend had sent me a link that they were looking for writers a week before and I had applied unsure of the outcome. Hundreds of people probably applied. I applied a few years ago and they didn’t contact me. Maybe they already found someone. I told myself as I applied. Despite my negative thoughts I still gave it a shot, as I had done with several other writing positions I saw over the last month. I screamed before I even opened the email from her. I hugged my friend who told me to apply as she just so happened to be over my house that day. I didn’t know what was inside, heck she could have been telling me she was going with another candidate. Instead I chose to believe that she was offering me a position.
I opened the email and that just so happened to be the case. She complimented me on my writing skills, requested to share some of my previous work and offered me a position as a contributing writer. To have someone i’ve personally admired for so long write me gave me the reassurance I needed to keep going despite what I may have been going through. That same day I called my job and graciously thanked them for the opportunity but informed them I would not be returning.
I’ve received several more offers for freelance writing positions over the last few days and I know that it’s all from God smiling down on me because though he was silent during my test, i’ve learned my lesson! I will now be balancing my time in between writing for others and working on my book which I hope to have completed by summer. Despite everything I went through in that horrific month of working for the man, it taught me a valuable lesson, never take your gifts for granted!
Has God ever taught you a similar lesson?
Ashley Renee is a soul food enthusiast, sometimes vegetarian, spoken word poet, who doesn’t trust boxed macaroni or cats. keep up with her @ashleyreneepoet on twitter & instagram