This should be a no-brainer. This should be a DUH moment and I’m sure it is for a lot of ladies, but unfortunately, for many, it’s not. He’s not too busy. It’s not about him being more into “spending time alone”, and if he’s going through a financial crisis to the point he can’t even take you to the movies, his priority should be on that, not dating. So why, my beautiful, smart, accomplished, women, has the bar been set so low that talking to, dating, and sexing men that can’t so much as take you on a date, become a standard that many women are not only accustomed to, but expect.

For a moment, let’s take men out of this. Because believe it or not, it’s women who set the bar and standard for men to follow in dating. If every woman chose not to sleep with, entertain, or date men who didn’t match a certain criteria, believe me, men would do everything in their power to reach that and more. It is women who hold the power in dating and relationships, so why have so many women forgotten this?

In many cultures true dating is rotational. A woman is courted by multiple suitors who seek her and her families approval until the best man is selected to become her husband. This man is vetted. His finances are checked to insure he can provide for her and their future family. He’s randomly checked up on by her brothers, uncles, cousins to make sure he’s a good man and if he isn’t he’s out the rotation.

Granted, you might have not been raised this way or seen it in your family, but you can still do rotational dating no matter your race, religion or culture. Now, back to men, briefly. There are men willing to and wanting to take you out. There are men that want to treat you to nice things. There are men that want to date to marry, and there are women that get all these things and more from men, and not just any men, but good men – God-fearing men, loving men, faithful, respectful, fine-ass men. Ok. The problem is, they don’t want you. They don’t want women who don’t even value themselves enough to expect to be courted. They don’t want women who devalue themselves by sexing a man who doesn’t even know their last name. They don’t want women who settle for Netflix and chill, every, single date. Those men want women who value themselves. Women who know their worth. Women who don’t settle. Women who don’t give a million chances to a man who has proven that he isn’t worth one.

So, why do you keep getting these Netflix and chill, sneaky link, situationship men, when there are men willing to do so much more out there? The answer is very simple, you allow it. These same sneaky link men who treat you to Wendy’s four for four and backshots, are taking someone else to 3 star restaurants, on trips across the country, and wouldn’t even think to ask you for your Netflix login.

When you set standards for yourself, people around you have no choice but to rise to those standards or leave your life if they can’t meet them. You are getting what you allow. You are getting what you settle for. It’s not about verbally telling a man, I only do high-end blah, blah, blah. You don’t even have to open your mouth to tell a man that when he sees the caliber of woman that you are.

Elevate your surroundings. If you are hanging around in low vibrational areas with people with no real life goals or aspirations, then that is what you are going to get. Raise your mindset. Know that it is possible for you to have the type of man you desire. Of course if you are always walking around saying how all men are dogs, that’s what you are going to keep attracting. Men aren’t dogs, they just treat you like it, because again, that’s what you are begging for.

So how do you get treated better? Simple, treat yourself better.

1. Get healthy If you aren’t treating yourself right, why would you expect a man to? That’s the harsh reality ladies. Take care of your health. Eat more fruits and vegetables, drink more water. Cut back on sugar, alcohol, fast foods. When you feel good and are healthy on the inside, you look better on the outside. Let’s step away from body positivity and everyone is beautiful and blah blah blah. Let’s consider science. Genetically, males are more inclined to want to choose a partner that appears healthier so his offspring have a better chance of survival, and that’s on the animal kingdom. Get in shape. Do things that make you look and feel better physically. If you aren’t happy with your appearance, change it.
2. Get your mindset right If you are struggling with past hurts and trauma, are an emotional wreck and can’t go a day without crying, seek therapy, a life coach, God, mentors, read self help books. Just get your mind right before you take on dating and becoming intwined with another person.
3. Step up your wardrobe to attract better quality people. If you want to wear colorful wigs orange lipstick and combat boots in the privacy of your home, go for it, but leave it there. Love it or hate it, the way you dress is a reflection of who you are. It’s how we express ourselves and the story we tell the world about who we are when we leave the house. Sure, wearing a dress with your cleavage out, holes going up and down each side, with a thong cut out will get you a lot of stares, there’s a good chance it won’t attract a man who will value you initially. Of course there are always exceptions to the rules, but why even chance it.
4. Say no to house dates when after first meeting a man, or a few times talking to you, if he invites you to his home or asks to come to your home, say no! Your home should be your sacred place. As should his. When a man knows he can get you to come over with absolute no effort, he knows that he can also most-likely sleep with you without having to put in effort. If not for any other reason, your safety should be a priority and going to a man’s house that you barely know should be a big no-no.
5. Be clear on your intentions and his and believe what he says. If a man says he’s not interested in a relationship, don’t try to convince him otherwise. Thank him for his honesty and be clear on your intentions and what you want.
6. Stop dating men who don’t take you on dates immediately. When a man is not putting in the effort to take you on a date it’s because he doesn’t value you. Simple as that. Don’t spend time trying to rationalize, make excuses or empathize. Realize that your place in his life is not his priority and start dating men who take you out.
7. Date as frequently as possible. This is word to the law of attraction. When you are surrounding yourself with what you want, you attract more of it. When you start dating it sets off something inside of you that says, this is nice, I could get used to this and you start attracting more men that want to do the same.
8. Stop competing with men. That’s word to masculine women. Girl, stop reaching for your wallet and forcing him to let you pay. Stop wearing your accolades on your forehead. Stop telling a man how much you make and how you can take care of yourself and you don’t need a man. That’s not going to get you treated. That’s not going to make a man want to take you out. That’s going to attract the, oh you got it. I’m trying to get like you men.Men, real masculine men don’t care about how much money a woman makes. Yes, you can be accomplished. Yes, you can have your own money, but no you shouldn’t be bragging about what you have and how much money you make to a man. That’s masculine, that brings out his competitive side, that’s a no-no. Allow yourself to be a woman, rest in your feminine when you’re with a man, brag to your girlfriends if it’s an absolute must for you.

Ultimately, you beautiful, intelligent, creative, goddess of a woman, deserve the world. It is your birthright to receive only the best. Stop settling for less than you deserve and start giving yourself the best so that you can receive the best.

Now please don’t fight me on this, cause I know how you girls like to tussle…

Love & light always

Ashley