There is No One Better Than Me for My Ex and Other Lies we Tell Ourselves

Have you ever heard someone going through a breakup exclaim how their ex will never find anyone better than them or how they are the best they will ever find? I personally cringe when I hear it especially when it comes to comparing the new person. I look way better than her. I make more money than him. He could never be me. She aint even cute. Which typically “she” isn’t that cute but, I digress. The truth is, it’s not about what YOU think. It’s about what the person you were once madly in love with, who is now out doing all the things you two use to do together, with someone else, thinks. Maybe you are “cuter” than that person. Maybe you make more money, have more education, a better job, a better house, the list can go on and on but absolutely none of that matters because again, it is not..about…you! Regardless of what we may think is best for our past person, ultimately we each have to do what is best for us, what makes us happy, what makes us fulfilled and maybe that someone who isn’t as cute, doesn’t make as much money and could nevvverrrrrr. Could never what exactly, I’m not sure, but it sounded good as I typed it and you get it. Any who, if you’ve been stuck in this, “they could never do better than me” mentality and need to be slapped back into reality, keep reading chile.

Stop Comparing

What is it about comparing yourself to this other person that makes you feel better? I’m not going to lie, I’ve done this before, we all have, I’m sure. I’ve looked at other women and mentally sized myself up to them and wondered what, if anything did she have that I didn’t. Comparison is the thief of joy. When we do that, what exactly are we trying to gain? If we view the other person as less desirable than us in any way, is that going to change how our ex feels about us? Nope. Is it going to change how we view ourselves? No. Well, maybe in Jhene’s case when she cooed how seeing his new bish boosted her self-esteem, that line was actually pretty funny and clever but seriously, if we are sitting back thinking about the person that is now with our ex, are we really doing that great self-esteem wise? Stop comparing yourself to anyone else especially someone you view yourself as in some sort of imaginary competition with. There is a good chance this person doesn’t even know you exist and do you really want to give that much energy to a person who doesn’t even know you? Instead of focusing on them, focus on you. Do things that make you happy, make you feel beautiful and fulfilled and please stop checking their instagram. (Note to past self 😉 )

Trigger warning: What if they are better?

What if they are better than you? Don’t stop reading. Seriously, what if they are better than you? What if they speak the same love language as your past person? What if they have better chemistry? What if they are that person’s soul mate? I truly believe that we meet everyone for a reason and we aren’t always supposed to stay in a person’s life for as long as we may have wanted to, or hoped. What if you were merely there to help them along the way, to encourage them to grow, to grow yourself? What if you were just supposed to learn something but not necessarily stay in love with that person. I think our egos often get in the way of us letting go what no longer serves us. We get into this mode of feeling like we are the best and no one can compare to us attitude when simply put, that isn’t always true. You can be an amazing person. You can be a beautiful/handsome, smart, talented, wonderful person but that doesn’t mean you are the best person for your ex. All of this, you’ll never find anyone better than me b.s., is simply that. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t but YOU in all of your amazingness are not mean to be with everyone person you encounter for life nor are they meant to be with you. It doesn’t matter how much better you view yourself if you aren’t better for that person, it doesn’t matter.

So now what?

So now that you in all of your perfection have been triggered, what do you do now? How do you stop this game of comparison? How do you get rid of that huge ego of yours and learn to accept the fact that you are simply not always going to be better. Every ex did not miss out on you, and sometimes, yes sometimes, the other person was actually better. Not better than you, but better for them. You first have to accept the fact that sometimes, you aren’t the best for them. That means really coming to terms with the truth of the situation. No, you don’t have to spend days dissecting the ends and outs of your past relationship but you do need to be completely honest with yourself about your past connection. Even if you felt like you had a magical connection that nothing and no one could ever compare to, your person didn’t feel that way, at least not in this moment, so you have to let go. Tearing down or mentally comparing yourself to anyone else is only going to negatively affect you, so definitely let that go. Instead, you have to completely change your focus. Stop checking up on them and start checking up on you. How are you doing? Really, how are you doing mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually? When you put all of your focus on you and take it off of other people you will notice how you have very little time to focus on anyone else. Think about your ideal self. What does that person do every morning? How does that person talk? What do they look like? How is their diet? What are their daily habits. Become that person. Every day, do something that your ideal self will do. As you begin to become your highest self, you will no longer feel the need to compare and will begin to see yourself how God sees you, perfect. Perfect people don’t compare themselves to other people. Let go of your past, live in your present and look forward to your future. Because if not, them, someone better will come along. Maybe not someone better than them, but someone better for you!

As always,

Love & light

-Ashley

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