Many women won’t realize this until it’s too late. You’ve either already given up the goods, or you have already fallen for this guy, which is just as bad. The signs however, are typically there from day one. You call and he texts back hours later. You text and he doesn’t respond. He calls you for last minute dates and refers to it as “hanging out”. He makes excuses on why you haven’t met his family or friends and when it comes to his priorities you rarely make the list.
Women have a way of making excuses for a man. We do this to protect our ego, because no man could ever possibly not want us, right? We do it because we are sensitive creatures and always try to see the good side even when he’s showed us nothing but games and excuses. We do it because we gave up our bodies to him and would rather try to make it work with someone who is giving us half of what we need then add another man to our body count.
So, if he’s not really interested in me, why is he still around? I know some of you are asking. Seriously ladies, why wouldn’t he be? You are something to do in the mean time of finding his dream girl. You are giving him sex, food, gifts and something to do when he is bored. Why would he let you go? Granted, sure he may enjoy your company but ultimately, if he isn’t showing you half of the effort that you are showing him, he is not taking you, or your situationship serious.
Signs you are dealing with a man who simply isn’t interested:
- He does the disappearing act
He tells you he misses you out of the blue, makes love to you like the world is about to end, then disappears for days, weeks and sometimes months at a time, with stories the writing staff of Scandal couldn’t even come up with on why he has been gone. Ask yourself this ladies, if you were really into a guy, would you want to talk to him on a regular basis? Would you want to see him? Would you want to hear from him? Would you disappear on a guy you really liked? No, you wouldn’t! So why is it ok for him to disappear on you then come back like nothing ever happened? You allow it to happen, time after time. You ask your friends does his story sound believable when you know damn well it doesn’t! You just need someone to make yourself feel like you aren’t crazy for continuing to stick by someone who is constantly disrespecting you. So you hope somebody, anybody will give you at least one reason to believe him, so you won’t feel like an idiot to continue to let him back in your life.
2. He rarely makes plans to see you more than one day in advance
If he rarely is making plans to see you and cancels often he doesn’t value you. When a man is taking a woman serious, he understands that her time is valuable and respects it. He takes time in planning an actual date and anticipates it. When a man is consistently asking you out at the last minute it can mean a few things:
1. He feels you don’t have anything else going on.
2. He knows you will drop anything and everything for him.
3. The person he actually planned to spend time with canceled on him, and he still wants to go out.
4. He’s bored. Even worse, if he is constantly making plans and then canceling on you he’s not valuing the things you may have put on hold to be with him, the time it took you to get ready, or you as a person who has a life outside of him.
3. He never talks about the future with you
When a man is seriously planning to date a woman, he thinks about things he’d like to do with her in the future. It doesn’t have to be something as grand as getting married, but even something as small as bringing up a new restaurant he’s been dying to take you to, or a museum exhibit he knows you would be interested in. Granted, some men use this technique to make women believe they have a future with them, when they know that is not the case. If he is constantly bringing up places he’d love to take you, and never does be weary. Don’t act overly excited when he does bring it up, instead just let him know that would be nice and keep enjoying your time with him. If this becomes a habit it’s most likely because he has no real plans for you and is simply saying what he feels sounds good in the moment.
4. He makes excuses when it comes to commitment
A man typically knows within a few months if you are someone he wants to exclusively date. If it’s been several months to a year or more of casual sex and or dating, he’s not serious about you. A man will date a woman for seven years and say he’s not ready for marriage. The same man will then date someone for six months and propose. Men know exactly what they want. If a man isn’t going after it, it’s probably because they don’t want it.
5. He sends mixed signals
One minute he’s telling you how much you mean to him, the next he’s telling you how you would be perfect if only you lost 20 lbs. Let’s get one thing straight. When a man loves you, I mean truly loves you, he wants to kiss you first thing in the morning when your teeth haven’t been brushed, your hair is all over your head and you’ve put on a few extra pounds. Not saying you should ever physically let yourself go, but when a man is not really into you he will notice every single flaw and point them out often. When a man loves you, he will see your flaws as part of what makes you beautiful not part of what needs to be fixed about you. Sometimes men will point out a woman’s physical flaws as a way of making her constantly feel inadequate to him, or insecure. What do insecure women do? They stick around a guy who is treating them like crap, in hopes of changing him.
6. You are constantly questioning his feelings for you
Most women like a little reassurance here and there, but if you are completely lost on how he feels about you, and constantly asking yourself, him, or your friends what his true feelings might be, it’s safe to say he has already showed you. Think about that guy. You know the one. The clingy, overly sensitive, unattractive, bad hygiene, guy that just can’t get enough of you no matter how bad you treat him, how much you avoid him, how many restraining orders you’ve gotten on him! That guy. You know he likes you. You know because he’s told you, he’s shown you. He’s made good on his promises, he’s followed up and done exactly what he said he would do. Unfortunately no matter how you might try to clean him up, he’s simply not the guy for you, but you know exactly how he feels about you. Now let’s take the guy you are head over heels for. If he’s not consistently showing you how he feels about you, it’s because he doesn’t. He doesn’t feel much for you except for when you are convenient to him. You know this. Yet you continually make excuses for his half-assed apologizes, his canceled dates, his disappearing acts, and his refusal to commit.
7. He isn’t pursuing you
I firmly believe that a woman should never,ever, ever pursue a man. Men are natural hunters. When you chase after a man, you are taking that away from them. You are putting yourself in a position you aren’t ready to play. When a man wants you, he will pursue you. Point.Blank.Period. There is no need to chase, wonder, and obsess over a man who isn’t pursuing you because he doesn’t want you. When you pursue a man you are already putting yourself in a bad position because you don’t know if he’s attracted to you or not. You don’t know because you have taken his power away and began chasing after a man who is now probably running from you. It may be amusing to him at first. He may play into your flirtations, and maybe even allow you to believe that he is interested. Unfortunately, eventually he will move on to a woman who he actually wants to pursue. A woman who knows exactly how to play the game, and isn’t settling for anything less than what she knows and shows that she deserves.
So tell me ladies, are you still dating a man who you know is just not that into you?
Ashley Renee is a soul food enthusiast, sometimes vegetarian, spoken word poet, who doesn’t trust boxed macaroni or cats. keep up with her @ashleyreneepoet on twitter & instagram also check out her website. www.ashleyreneepoet.com
One Comment Add yours
I once was that girl waiting by the phone for this one guy to hit me up. I indeed was head over heels for him; dropping whatever I had plan if he called and wanted to get together. This man had me blinded. It took me a while to see his words was just words and that he was either really not into me or just was not ready for a commitment. I always felt he would come around; but he did not. When we would be together it would be just so damn passionate; he would gaze into my eyes telling me how beautiful I am, this man had me hook. But I had to soon realize my worth and know I deserve more instead of living in the moment. I knew I needed a man that shows me that he desires and wants to a commitment in every single way. I need someone who wants me as I much as I want them. As women when we get older we have to realize the bullshit and let go; sometimes it’s just not meant to be. Spend your life being happy and not chasing a man. Realize your worth ladies!! Great article