Have you ever tried to make someone want you? You tried to find out the things they liked, emerged yourself into their hobbies, started acting out of character and doing things you never dreamed you would do. All to catch their eye. In the end did you find out that the harder you tried the more frustrated you became? Nothing seemed to work just as you had hoped and when it was all said and done you ended up alone, wondering what exactly went wrong in your quest to bag the man you wanted so desperately.

The harder we try to attract someone who doesn’t naturally want us the more frustrated we become. When we give up ourselves in trying to catch the perfect guy in hopes he can see how beautiful, brilliant, funny and simply wonderful we are, we often try a little too hard and end up doing all the things we shouldn’t.

We check our phones constantly to see if he’s called, text, or used any form of social media to reach out to us. We constantly obsess over our last conversations with him and pick apart everything and anything that could possibly be a sign of his feelings for us. We find random reasons to contact him and anxiously wait for him to respond. We find ourselves being more of what we think he likes and less of who we are.

The problem with choosing to go after a man for many women is uncertainty. You will not know a man’s true feelings for you, if you are the one on the pursuit. Not knowing if a man has feelings for us or not can cause us to actively try to show him why in fact he should. A woman should never have to prove her worth to a man by changing who she is. If a man is attracted to you in any capacity he should and will show you.

There is no need to act provocatively, pick up on his habits and neglect the things that make you happy in order to try and make someone else happy or catch their attention. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting to learn more about what your partner or person you are dating enjoys doing but allow him to open that door for you. Allow him to invite you to sporting events, plays, museums, theaters, concerts that he is interested in. That is a big difference from binge watching all of his favorite shows alone so you can randomly text him a line from the show at 3am on a Saturday night in hopes he is at home alone.

Keep busy. When single, dating or married you should have your own life, hobbies as well as friends. The person you are with, or are interested in should not be the vein of your existence. The more you are actively living your life and doing things that make you happy inadvertently the more attractive you will become to those around you. Think about it. Do you want to date a man who lays around the house all day doing nothing? Or do you want someone who is actively involved in his community with goals, hobbies and friends of his own? Men want the same thing.

Sometimes while dating men will act as though they just want to be around you all the time. Which they might for the moment. But nothing is more attractive than a woman who has her own life and isn’t afraid to let that be known.

The next time you think about cyberstalking, calling, texting or chasing after a man, do something beneficial to yourself. Workout, go out to lunch with a girlfriend, take that painting class you’ve been putting off, write down some goals, have a spa day. Do something to make YOU feel good. Gratification is not chasing after someone who doesn’t want you. Real gratification is living in the moment, working towards your goals and enjoying your life.

I promise, the happier and more fulfilled you are the more happiness you will attract around you. Heck it might even come in the form of that man that you’ve always dreamed of.

 

 

 

Have you ever tried to attract someone who didn’t want you?

 

Ashley Renee is a soul food enthusiast, sometimes vegetarian, spoken word poet, who doesn’t trust boxed macaroni or cats. keep up with her @ashleyreneepoet on twitter & instagram also check out her website. www.ashleyreneepoet.com