Some of you may know i’m working on a novel entitled, Why I waited. This book will have tons of personal stories from women of all walks of life dealing with their own personal relationship stories. These stories involve premarital sex, abortion, miscarriage, rape, stds, teenage pregnancy, abuse, infidelity, virginity and marriage as well as the raw emotions and feelings these women felt while they were in these relationships. I chose to start blogging as a way to connect with my readers and start conversations regarding dating, love and relationships. Often times we as women stay silent when in abusive situations because of fear. I hope that the stories in my book will help some young woman make a decision that could possibly save her life. My book is full of so many stories I know at least one person will be able to relate to, here is Crystals* .
We met at work. He was very attractive. He was the guy that all of the girls liked. We were both in high school. We didn’t talk much at work but one night we had a conversation that lasted for hours in his car. I felt a deep connection to him. The next day he was gone. He had gotten fired and we hadn’t exchanged any contact information.
A few years past and I never saw him again until we ended up taking the same class at the same college. Instantly we reconnected. After building a friendship we started dating. We had a lot in common and he opened my eyes to things I had previously been unaware of. My family immediately noticed how my behavior started changing just by dating him. After a few months of dating I started noticing his anger issues. He would become mad over the smallest things and often had fits of rage out of no where. One day while I was at his house we got into an argument. He tried to kiss me and I pushed him away from me. He was persistent. He got on top of me and kept trying to kiss me. I repeatedly told him no and eventually bit his lip just to get him to stop. I will never forget the way he looked at me. His eyes turned cold and he grabbed me by the head. He started slamming my head into the floor as I screamed for him to stop. He slammed my head so hard my ear began to bleed. I struggled to get away from him and bolted for the door. His mom was pulling into the driveway and I knew it was my chance to get away. He called me relentlessly after that. I ignored his phone calls. I had never been in an abusive situation and at eighteen I didn’t know what to do. After what seemed like hundreds of phone calls I eventually answered. “Stop calling me!” I screamed into the phone. He begged me for my forgiveness until I eventually hung up the phone. The next day at school he brought me flowers and asked if he could take me to lunch. I foolishly agreed. He had never hit me before and I did bite his lip first, I reasoned with myself. At lunch he apologized more and I forgave him. Months later I found out I was pregnant. Our relationship continued to be filled with ups and downs.
My parents were devastated when they found out, as was I. I was 18, unmarried and pregnant by a man who was becoming physically and psychologically abusive. Everything with him was a mind game. Anything I thought was right according to him was wrong. He was ecstatic about my pregnancy. After I had the baby our lives became much more difficult. His controlling ways increased even more and I felt trapped. I always wanted the father of my child to be my husband and I didn’t want to give up on him.
One day after we had been running errands with our daughter all day, he asked if we could take the baby to see his family who lived an hour away. I was physically exhausted and just wanted to go home. “Let’s just go another day. I’m so tired.” I said. He became irate. “We always see your family and when I want to take the baby to see my family it’s a problem!” He screamed. We started arguing as I went to the trunk to put my bag inside. Before I knew it he was behind me forcefully throwing me into the trunk. He hit me as I tried to get out and then there was darkness. My baby sat in the backseat of the car as I helplessly laid in the trunk. I was terrified. The car began moving. I had no idea what he planned on doing but I knew the result would not be good. Luck would have it, a few days prior I had randomly watched a show on television that depicted exactly what to do if you are ever kidnapped. There was a latch inside of the truck that you could pull that allows the trunk to open. The moment the car slowed down I located the latch and pulled it. I hopped out of the car and bolted for the nearest house I saw. I banged on the door until an older woman answered. I breathlessly explained to her what was going and she allowed me to call the police. Hours later my boyfriend was found safely with our baby. He was arrested and I found out he had been high on several drugs when the ordeal happened. After what seemed like months and months of court dates I agreed to not press charges if he went to anger management and rehab. He obliged. Foolishly, a now 19 year old me decided to stay with him. My family could not believe I made that decision and deep down inside neither could I.
The entire story will be featured in my book, Why I Waited. As Always thank you for reading.
Do you know anyone who stayed in an abusive relationship?
Ashley Renee is a soul food enthusiast, sometimes vegetarian, spoken word poet, who doesn’t trust boxed macaroni or cats. keep up with her @ashleyreneepoet on twitter & instagram also check out her website. www.ashleyreneepoet.com