First there was writing. It was the one thing I’ve done since I was a child that always brought me joy. The one thing that no matter what anyone told me, I believed in my soul I was meant to do.Then there were the distractions. Lofty dreams of modeling (I don’t even like taking pictures), making hair and skin care products, going to esthetics school, becoming a licensed insurance agent, working tons of sales and customer service jobs only to dread it so much I would become physically sick and eventually quit only to wind up behind a new chair, at a different office, doing the exact same thing. When I was 19 working as an insurance agent my coworkers saw my potential. They told me I needed to be doing something creative and didn’t need to be wasting my life there but I had no idea where to start so I starting penning my first book, a book I never finished and have no clue where it is now.
I’ve spent years of my life running away from my potential. I was so afraid of failing, I ran from my purpose instead of towards it.
I would read articles about young women that were younger than me who had penned books or accomplished some of the things I had hoped to one day do and instead of feeling encouraged or start working towards those goals, I would sulk and think why can’t that be me? The answer was very simple. I never thought it could be me. I’ve spent so many years of my life thinking all the good stuff happens to other people, or they were lucky and special, that I made myself truly believe that.
I put my passions of writing and poetry to the side and thought of them more as hobbies or things I could never actually make a viable career from. After moving to Los Angeles at the tail end of 2014 I decided I was going to finally start actively going after what I wanted. I planned to finally start pursuing my dreams wholeheartedly. Unfortunately, old habits die hard and I ended up getting caught up in a whirlwind of things that weren’t getting me any closer to my dreams. After I had my run in with yet another call center I decided enough is enough!
I don’t have another choice. I refuse to continue living a life that is less than what God has for me. I refuse to continue neglecting my gifts. I refuse to let my family and people I have rooting for me down. I refuse to not use my talents to in some way touch others. If one person gets anything from the words I write for me that is enough.
I’m no longer operating under the notion that I have more time, nor am I doing anything that I know is only a distraction, a plan b, a just in case writing doesn’t work out. I’m done with that. Writing will help me to accomplish my goals. Why, because I said it will. I know it will. I’m claiming it. God didn’t give me this gift for me to neglect it. God didn’t put me on this earth to work jobs I hate. He has a plan for my life and uses me each and every time I pen something.
In life we find it so easy to make excuses of why we can’t do something or why it isn’t the right time. We do this until we start to believe it. We put off our dreams, our talents, our God given gifts to make a quick buck only to be left feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. There is a reason why I never felt comfortable working a regular job, there is a reason why I surround myself with other artists and like minded people. God makes no mistakes. Though it took far too long, i’m at the point now where I absolutely refuse to give up on myself. Life is short, I plan on using my time to make a difference.
How do you plan on using yours?
Ashley Renee is a soul food enthusiast, sometimes vegetarian, spoken word poet, who doesn’t trust boxed macaroni or cats. keep up with her @ashleyreneepoet on twitter & instagram also check out her website. www.ashleyreneepoet.com