You feel it in your gut, things just aren’t the same. You can’t quite pinpoint just where things went left but you feel it in your heart, mind and soul that your relationship is falling apart. You can’t remember the last time you held hands, or even laughed together. Moments apart have become more frequent and there is often tension when you are together. Despite the recent negatives in your relationship, you are still very much so deeply in love and you know your partner feels the same. If you are conflicted with whether or not to let go, here are 7 reasons to hold tighter.
- Lightening doesn’t always strike twice
Maybe your partner made a mistake and you can’t seem to get over it, maybe you did. Did they say or do something to hurt you and later admitted their faults and asked for forgiveness? Maybe you’ve been together for years and can’t see yourself without your partner but you also find it hard forgiving. Think about your previous partners or guys you dated in general, is this relationship ten times better than the past? Think about your girlfriends, you know the ones who are always complaining about the lack of good men out there. Think about all of the holidays, the memories, the smile your partner tries so hard to put on your face when you are feeling down. Think about the times you looked at him as he was sleeping and thought, man am I lucky. Remember the many times he has been there for you when you felt no one else was there. It’s not often we find these types of people in our lives and even less likely to have a mutual love for them. When you find someone that you know is a one in a million type person, you should think long and hard before letting them go, they may not come back around.
- You can’t imagine your life without them
If you can’t see your life without your partner being in it, if your thoughts of the future are painted with the two of you in them, if you see yourself having children or possibly already do, if you can’t imagine growing old without them by your side, then you need to find a way to hold on. Think about your future without your partner. Are you happier? If not you need to find out what the current problem is and do everything in your power to fix it. Pray about the situation, see a counselor, work on any issues you may have and encourage him to work on his.
- The grass is never greener
Did you recently meet someone who has told you all the things you wanted to hear? Maybe you confided in a male friend who told you just how much better he would treat you if you were his. Maybe you just imagine what someone else could or might do that your partner isn’t doing. Often times when we see someone else’s high light reel we think how amazing being with them would be. I bet he never leaves the toilet seat up, will give me backrubs after a long day, does the dishes each and every time I cook, will oil my scalp and blow on my toe nails after I’ve painted them! You think to yourself as you scroll through some fine man’s instagram. Unless you have some type of man making machine where you can add and subtract everything you like and don’t like in him, you are never going to find the perfect man. There is always going to be compromises, there will be disagreements and sometimes you downright just wont like him. The point is that just because someone else is painting a picture of perfection, doesn’t mean that is what you will get. Everyone in this world has good and not so great attributes. It is up to us to decide what we will and will not settle for. The grass is greener where you water it. If you are spending all of your time fantasizing about the boy next door instead of working on the relationship with the boy right next to you, it’s never going to be green. You have to actively decide that your grass is the greenest and water it each day to maintain it.
- He is your Adam
Is this man your rib? Do you literally feel like God made him for you? Is he your helpmate and vice versa? Are you constantly finishing each others sentences, dancing to the beat of the same awkward drum , fighting like brother and sister, making up like lovers and everything in between? If you know that this man was made for you, why would you let that go? He may not always be where or what you want him to be, but isn’t that the beauty in him? Isn’t that what’s unique about your whole relationship? He is perfectly made for you. That’s not something that happens all the time. Maybe the way you met was such a chance encounter you could write a book about it, possibly you knew him your whole life but didn’t fall in love until year and years later. Whatever your story is, it is as unique as the two of you. If you know he is the one and only man you’ve ever truly loved, you don’t want to lose that.
- He’s invested in you
He has taken his time to make sure you are the best person that you could possibly be. Maybe he put his money into a business idea of yours, maybe he stayed up late nights to help you study and encouraged you to get through school, maybe he cares for your children like they are his own. Does he pray for you? Does he challenge you to reach your highest potential? Has he sacrificed his own wants and needs so that you could be elevated in life? If he has invested in you purely to see you do better in life it’s because he not only loves you, but is so deeply in love with you, he wants the very best for you. He may not be rich, but he’s going to make sure you are provided for. It’s rare to find people who are willing to go the extra mile to help you especially when they aren’t asking or receiving anything in return.
- He overlooks your flaws
I’m not talking about not caring that you wear a bonnet to sleep, have bad breath in the morning and put on a few pounds since you started dated, I mean your real flaws and bad habits. Like the fact that despite his many pleas for you to be on time, you always show up at least fifteen minutes late. You still check his phone from time to time when he’s sleep and can recite every ex’s of his phone number by heart! Those flaws. The fact that you sometimes give him hell because of what your ex did to you. That ugly part of you that you so desperately try to get past, maybe he is the only man to truly look past your flaws and love you despite them. Even though he hates when you sneak a peak at his phone every time he gets a text, he still lets you look. He actively tries to help you get over your bad habits but doesn’t look down on you because of them and continues to love you as strongly as the day he first said those words.
- He’s a good man
Before I get any comments about staying in a toxic situation, that’s not what I’m referring to. If you know your relationship is toxic and the person you are with is in any way hurting you, let it go! I’m referring to a relationship that for some reason is losing the spark. Where you or your partner is simply not trying as hard. If you know you have a good man and you know a good man when you see him. Why, because you have had bad men. You have been hurt before, you’ve been played, you’ve had your heartbroken. If you are dating a good guy, an amazing man who may have a few flaws but ultimately is a great catch, then work on your relationship! We all have our moments in life when we can’t seem to get it right for whatever reason. Talk to your guy, let him know how you feel. Chances are he is feeling the shift just like you are and want nothing more than to get things back on track. Let go of any blaming or accusatory tones and simply put in the work your relationship requires to get back on track. Like anything else in life, relationships take work! Of course there are going to be plenty of moments when everything between you is effortless, but there are also going to be times when your love life requires a little maintenance. Before you throw in the towel ask yourself these seven things and determine if letting go is worth it.
Ashley Renee is a soul food enthusiast, sometimes vegetarian, spoken word poet, who doesn’t trust boxed macaroni or cats. keep up with her @ashleyreneepoet on twitter & instagram also check out her website.
2 Comments Add yours
Awesome work. But what if you find his height uncomfortable for you? Either he’s way too short or too tall for you that you almost don’t like his hugs. Or his body scent irritates you and he’s not ready to use a cologne no matter how much you ask? Or he constantly has bad breath and you find his kisses so irritating that you have to hold your breath for a while? Or when his love-making doesn’t intrigue you, it’s boring and simply exhausting?
Hey Terry, I think with some of those things, you know them before you get in a relationship with that person, such as height, bad breath and body odor. While height he can’t change, his hygeine he definitely can. Sometimes bad breath can be due to deeper problems like cavities, infections in the mouth or just overall poor diet. If his natural body scent is foul it could also be because of poor health or diet (aside from hygeine) These are things you need to explore with your partner and get to the root of the problem, as he should be willing to do as an adult man, which I am assuming he is. The love making part is also something you should have an open and honest conversation about. Hope this helps!