Thank U Next: The Subtle Art of Moving On

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Lately I’ve been doing something that may or may not result in me going to hell. At least that was what I was taught by relatives growing up, but anywho, eternal damnation aside, I’ve been listening to readings for my horoscope a lot on youtube. I randomly came across it one day and surprisingly in all 20 or so videos I’ve watched, they all had one common theme, I need to learn to let go, and it’s so true. I recently had a conversation with a very close relative who was upset that I was still friends with people she decided to no longer be friends with, on Facebook. These were either female friends we both had been friends with in the past, or people she had “dated” over a decade ago who I had known before she did. As I’m not someone who is super active on Facebook, and these are people I might communicate with once every few years if even that, I didn’t see why me being Facebook friends with them bothered her. In me trying to navigate through her feelings, I found myself navigating through my own. I did some introspection and told her, while it has always been easy for her to cut people off at the drop of the dime, it’s extremely difficult for me to cut people out of my life, even for my greater good. If you also have a hard time letting people or things go, this could be helpful for you.

 1.Realizing when someone has served their purpose

I believe that everyone we meet in our life is supposed to teach us something. Whether they are there to fulfill some karmic debt, some form of a soulmate or twin flame, or simply there to help us grow, we all need each other in some way. Recently, I found myself playing victim, which as a headstrong, sometimes egotistical but ultimately super sensitive leo, wasn’t easy for me to do. I found myself blaming everyone else but myself for my predicament and had trouble seeing my own fault in the situation. I don’t believe anyone is always right and I try to always see both sides of everything. While the wound is still fresh, I won’t get too deep into it but I will say I had to deeply reevaluate my non-attachment/not taking things personal blogs. When someone has served their purpose you will know it. You may try to fight it, try to hold on, try to ignore it, but you will know. Unfortunately, everyone we encounter in life is not meant to stay in our lives forever. When someone has served their purpose, all signs will point to the exit for them and you have to be strong enough to let them walk through. When you try to keep people in your life that are no longer meant to be there, the more pain you will experience. Instead of trying to fill the void of them not being there by contacting them, trying to replace them, or dwelling on past memories good or bad, focus on the lesson you learned from them and the weight being lifted now that you are free to move on.

2. Believing that life goes on

You and this person may have been close friends, dating, in a situationship, married, this could have even been a relative. Ultimately, for you it was probably someone you never thought you would have to move on from. But as the old saying goes, life goes on. As much as we may love that person, they aren’t something to possess. They are a person that has to experience life just like you do, and unfortunately that may mean you having to do it without them. As many memories as you may have shared, as much happiness as they may have brought at one point in time, you must know that life goes on without them. One thing a lot of people tend to do especially when experiencing some sort of a break from another person is only highlighting the good memories you experienced with them. You know this person isn’t an angel. Maybe they broke your heart, cheated on you, disrespected you, lied on you or to you, hurt you in ways you didn’t even know possible, embarrassed you, the list goes on. The point you need to focus on is while your mind might be creating this perfect prince or princess, you know that is just a facade. They did things that obviously you aren’t happy with or else you wouldn’t feel the need to let them go. You will move on, grow, stretch and ultimately become the person you are meant to be, you just have to know that life goes on without them and the only way for you to realize that is by taking the first step, letting them go.

3. Finding the inner strength to let go

Here comes the hard part. It’s much easier to let go when someone is not contacting you at all and you only have to worry about passing your phone to your friends when you’re out to prevent yourself from sending a drunk text or busying yourself to keep from contacting them. What do you do when that “hey stranger” text pops up? When that 2am phone call comes in, that 7pm knock on the door, that random run in at CVS?  How in the world do you stop yourself from running back to them and jumping in their arms, responding to that text in under a minute with a huge smile on your face, or asking them if they want to grab drinks after they check out at CVS? This is also the hardest part for me because I absolutely hate ignoring people, especially those I once/still love(d) and I also despise confrontation and avoid it at any cost. So how do you ignore someone whose mere existence at one point brought you joy? The simple truth is there is no easy way/only way to do it. Here is what I’m learning to do, be honest. There are so many different ways to talk to a person and my guess is that if you’ve known them long enough, you may have an idea of what they will be receptive to depending on their maturity level. Tell them your feelings and why you feel the need to move on from the situation. Don’t place blame as chances are you aren’t 100% innocent in the situation either. Let them know what negatively affected you and why you may need some or a lot of time to evaluate your feelings. How they respond will help you determine how much they care or not and how you should proceed. If they lack maturity most likely they will ignore your feelings, play the victim, be sarcastic, undermine your feelings, play the blame game, or even worst, ignore you entirely. While in the moment all of this may hurt, it’s giving you a definite answer, you have outgrown this person and this relationship. If they respond in a way that makes you feel they truly hear you, love and care for you, perhaps in the future your paths will meet again, or at least you can end amicably.

While letting go is never easy it is always possible. Let it hurt, let it burn, let it feel like it is killing you, but please, for the sake of your sanity, let it go.

P.S. I just deleted them off facebook for you girl 😉 love you!

As always,

Love & light

Ashley

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